Along with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when 
that decision involves an actual process and might potentially 
involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to 
get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time for most 
people, even if they know deep inside themselves that they have 
to actually make a decision, one way or another.

People are reluctant to embark on an 'emotionally driven' 
decision making process because they fear that it will be 
uncomfortable or painful for them. The irony here is obvious
...if they need to make this decision, their life or a portion 
if it, is already uncomfortable. One thing is for certain, 
deciding whether to get a divorce or stay married is indeed 
a process.

This process, like any other, includes key elements…elements 
that need to be examined. The elements of this process are 
self-revealing and can only come from within the person making 
the decision. The decision making process is comprised of stages 
and viewpoints about those stages. Stages are smaller pieces of 
the overall process and the viewpoints of each of those stages 
are only defined by the person making the decision. If you're 
trying to decide whether or not you should get a divorce or 
stay married, you must look at the stage of life you are 
currently in, and understand how you feel about it by clearly 
defining your viewpoint about it.

Are you completely unhappy? Relatively unhappy? Partially 
unhappy? Do you feel that your marriage is unhealthy enough 
that you intend to do something about it?

Etc.
You can look back in the past and reflect on other stages of 
your life and examine how you felt about those stages if they 
contributed to your problem as you view it now. Reflecting on 
the past can be an effective way to identify key occurrences 
that may have shaped the way your viewpoint is currently. 
Reflecting also can help you to identify trends in behavior 
that may have contributed to your viewpoint. But in the end, 
the viewpoint and stage that matters most is the current one 
and that's the one that you need to define and assess most.

It is human tendency to reflect on the past and hold onto 
thoughts and feelings that were once good, but doing this might 
keep you in a stale mate if you dwell on the past too much. You 
have to look at the present time and actually "decide to decide" 
so to speak. Once you do realize that you need to decide whether 
or not to get a divorce, there will be things that will creep up 
that will actually keep you from taking action and deciding.

Here are 5 reasons you might not be deciding to take action when 
it comes to deciding whether you should get a divorce or stay 
married:

1. You know that the severity of divorce is something not to be 
   taken lightly so you avoid that "potential" outcome by doing  
   nothing.
 
   I assure you, if you realize that divorce is serious, you're  
   ahead of the game because it means that you will do what it  
   takes to change your situation!

2. You haven't decided to take action because you think you  
   actually do want a divorce, and you think that divorce can  
   create emotional scars that take a long time to heal.

3. You know that, whatever the outcome, you're really not ready  
   to face a potentially painful end result, so you avoid the  
   situation all together.

4. You are just flat out scared to make a decision about divorce 
   because you know that making this difficult decision will  
   involve profound change and deep "self-examination". And,  
   like most of us, you want to avoid the pain and discomfort  
   that goes with that.

5. You just don't know where to start because you are confused  
   due to the emotional complexities of the situation. You  
   really don't know how you feel.


All are these are valid points, but they are really just excuses 
to do nothing.

And, if you do nothing, the problem will still remain. And that 
problem is "indecision". You haven't committed to decide. If 
any of these things are keeping you from making a decision 
about whether to stay married, you're doing more harm to 
yourself than good. In fact, by doing nothing, you are only 
compounding your problem. You are contributing to your own 
unhappiness by not taking action and that is just flat out 
unhealthy!

The first stage to going through the process of deciding 
whether or not to get a divorce, is to overcome your fear of 
the potential outcome and embrace this 'emotionally driven' 
process. Defining your fears and identifying why you aren't 
making the decision, or at least starting the decision making 
process about getting a divorce or staying married, is the only 
way you will be able to reach your ultimate goal…making a final 
decision to either get divorced or try to work it out.