Ending a relationship is rarely a mutual decision. In almost
every case, one partner wants to end the relationship; the other
partner does not. And sometimes, the doomed relationship
continues longer than it should because the leaving partner does
not know a graceful way to end the relationship.
What if you are the partner wanting to break up? You could stay
in the relationship to avoid hurting the feelings of your
partner. Or you could stay with him or her out of a pity. But
this staying when you want to leave creates an unhealthy
relationship. It is unfair to him, and it is really unfair to
you. If the relationship is emotionally, staying on means living
a lie. Because the relationship is no longer healthy and honest,
there are arguments and accusations, hurt feelings and threats.
You've been there. You don't want to go through that ever again.
But what can you do?
When It's Over, It's Over
Create a preplanned exit strategy once you've decided the
relationship is kaput. With a strategy in hand and a script in
your pocket, you will feel more confident in breaking up sooner
instead of later. Making a quick, clean break is a kindness to
the other person. He avoids false hope and can begin the grieving
and healing process that is a natural part of a breakup. When
it's over, it's over. Both your time and his/hers are better
spent meeting other people instead of fumbling for a way out.
Remember, you and your partner actually want the same thing: a
relationship of mutual respect, admiration, and affection. If
these characteristics are missing from either partner, the
relationship will suffer and fail. The overall purpose for both
of you is to find that special someone. Ending your relationship
now will free both of you to pursue the dream of finding that
lifetime partner.
Besides, if you manage to break up earlier rather than later, you
increase the possibility that you both may stay friends forever.
Staying in a relationship too long leads to resentment, anger,
and hurt. The longer you stay in a bad relationship, the more
bitter the breakup and the more estranged the two of you are
afterward.
Dating Exit Strategy: Practice It!
Remember, you will end all your future relationships except for
the last one. Why not be prepared? The first time you realize
that your requirements will not be met, try this: you can say, "I
think you're a really great person, but I don't think we're a
good match". If you rehearse this at home like a Hollywood actor
would, you'll be more comfortable when you have to "say your
lines" to the person you're dating. You never know, the date you
let down gently may become a future referral source.
If he likes you but agrees that the two of you aren't really
couple material, he'll probably bird dog some prospects for you.
Because the two of you did not go through an extended and bitter
breakup, he could actually be your friend. And friends help
friends get what the want including dates.
A final tip: don't change your mind. It'll be difficult,
especially if your partner doesn't want to let you go. But
remember, when your relationship is dead, nothing and nobody will
revive it. Be gentle, but firm - you're on your way to finding
someone much, much better that the person you're talking to. And
so is he. Do both of you a favor, and do it now.
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