Many people have trouble believing that having wonderful sex on
the first date can be a dating problem. We've all experienced
instant attraction to another person. Or, we believe that what we
feel is love at first sight. As a result, some of us give in to
our hormones and to our partners. We have sex on the first or
second date.
Sometimes the sex is so-so, and sometimes it's okay. But
SOMETIMES, it's just feels GREAT. What could be wrong with that?
How could something that feels so good be so wrong? And, how
could it be damaging to a long-term relationship, especially if
both of us are really attracted to each other?
Why Is It Bad To Have Sex So Soon?
For some of us, it's a moral issue. But for all of us, sex too
soon in a new relationship is bad because it delays or destroys
true intimacy. When a couple is in a passionate embrace, they
aren't talking. Not coherently anyway. They're not connecting in
a personal and emotional way. And this is a serious dating
problem.
It seems contradictory, and even ironic, that a couple could be
physically intimate and yet not know each other as people. But,
that's what happens all the time. A short date somewhere, then a
long night together, then eight hours of work, and then another
long night full of passion. And so it goes, day after day. But
one day you realize that you've been having sex with a stranger.
You don't know him any better than when you first started dating.
This ignorance won't last forever. The incompatibilities in your
relationship will soon become obvious.
Your Relationship Problems May Be The Result Of Having Sex Too
Early In The Relationship.
This "Sex with a stranger" syndrome is a very common problem. In
fact, it is one of the major reasons couples suffer so much when
they break up. Sexual intimacy, even after the first date,
creates a bond with the other person. It's a biological bond
created by the orgasmic response and by the release of certain
hormones. But it's still bonding with a stranger.
Eventually, you get to know the stranger better. When you realize
you don't really like the person you've come to know, you will
still have the bond from the sexual part of the relationship. And
that makes the eventual breakup all the more heartbreaking.
Do yourself a favor. Get acquainted first, then save the sex for
later in the relationship. Yes, you might wait for several months
until you really get to know the other person. The time saved by
not having sex can be used to learn about your partner
emotionally and spiritually. During that time look for any dating
problems. Determine your partner's strong points and weaknesses.
If you're not a match, break up and move on. Spare yourself the
emotional devastation that almost always results from losing a
lover.
When Good Sex Is Great
You can have physical sex on a first date with any number of
people out there. Finding your emotional and spiritual soul mate
is rarer, but much more precious. Take the time to get to know
your partner before moving into the sexual phase. Talk to him or
her on your dates, in emails, or over the phone. Do this for
several months. As long as it takes to feel an emotional and
spiritual connection. Once you've come to know and admire your
partner you'll realize that it's far more satisfying to have sex
with someone you cherish than to try to cherish whomever you're
having sex with.
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