A common dating problem, and a major warning sign, is when your
partner acts one way with you, but behaves very differently
around others.
Example Situation
John and Mary have been dating for some time now. They like each
other a lot, but there is something wrong. Mary is always nice,
gentle and forgiving whenever she's alone with John. In public,
however, she argues with everyone else. She's always dismissive
with waiters when she and John are on dates; she's hostile with
other drivers when she's behind the wheel; and, she's
contemptuous of people she regards as her inferiors. She's very
unpleasant, to say the least, to everyone. Everyone but John. Why
is this is a dating problem for John? After all, Mary is a
pussycat with him. You might think that John has just managed to
"tame the beast" in her. Maybe they really can live together and
have a wonderful long-time relationship. You could think that,
but time after time you'd be wrong.
What Does This Behavior Mean For The Relationship?
Dating a person like Mary is like living with Doctor Jekyll and
Mr. Hyde. Your partner is polite and considerate towards you, but
he's hostile and aggressive at the football game. Or he waves
vulgarities at other drivers. Or, he belittles wait staff for
even the slightest goof. It seems as if there are two people in
one body. Unfortunately, the good half of the person never
overcomes the bad half.The dating problems you are experiencing
are only the beginning. What is a little annoyance on a date can
be a real problem when you become a long term couple.
Wonderful At First, Terrible Later
Your partner's underlying personality is probably angry, hostile,
and condescending. He's just on his best behavior to win you
over. He's a phony. If you don't end this relationship, sooner or
later your partner won't need to impress you anymore. As the two
of you become more like family, he will treat you just as poorly
as he does everyone else. Your dating problems with your
partner's yelling at the waiter will soon evolve into your
partner's yelling at you.
You don't have to put up with that. Rudeness to others will
become rudeness to you. It's more than a dating problem. You
should recognize this as a dating red flag and keep looking. How
he treats friends, family, and even strangers, is how he will
eventually treat you. Throw this fish back and keep trolling.
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